I'm at this stage where i feel lost and depressed

I've always told you that you love nobody but yourself. You denied it countless times, but i was only partially wrong. I now correct my statement: you think you are the centre of the universe and that as long as others obey your rules, they will be in your favor.

You are not seeking for love. You are seeking for people to worship you.

They say love is blind. It's the 9th year now, and I think that i'm going blind. I really don't understand why i cling onto this relationship so long to get abused physically and mentally. I'm going green with envy at the love and care other boyfriends shower on their girlfriends, or husbands on their wives. I keep giving excuses to myself that you are different, i love you and as long as i'm happy, this relationship will be good.

However, i have been crying for the past 3 days. It started with you flaring up, spewing a string of insulting remarks with a contorted facial expression which shows hatred for me. Then i will protest at your bad behavior and ends up being accused that I AM the CAUSE of your behavior.

I know that you are an extremely impatient person. I also understand that you choose your friends carefully and hangs out with them as much as you can if they get along with you in terms of intelligence and capability. As much as I am talented in other areas, I am not seen fit to mix with you and your friends because i'm less eloquent, less smart, less feminine, less polite. A lesser person.

This is what i don't get. You understand how i was right from the beginning. What did you see in me? What made you choose to 'love' me? The most basic thing about love is that when you love a person's strengths, you choose to accept the partner's weaknesses.

In these 2 years time, there's never a day you go without calling me names. 'Pig', 'Dog', 'Idiotic', 'Silly'...and the hurtful list goes on. I protested and you denied, and then you said i provoked you with my behavior. Again. Then again. Soon, you justified your name calling by pointing fingers at my behavior.

There are a lot of times i feel uncertain with my choices, and i need guidance and patience and understanding. But i don't get it from you. You tell me that i'm not supposed to ask another time, i'm supposed to understand by now that you are impatient and i should just shut my trap and not ask again. I don't have the right to ask questions again and again, even when i am unsure.

I tried really hard, i did. I used a gentler voice to make an inquiry because I want absolute confirmation. I'm scared i get the facts wrong. However, no matter what tone i use, you will have a rage. I wonder whether it is because the people in your elite group could never do wrong.

Or, maybe, in your eyes, i'm quite worthless. You call my dressing ugly, you call me ugly when my face is peeling, you say my hair is ugly, you pick on my appearances. Then, you call me an emotional wreck, bad tempered grouch, and just plain annoying.

You confuse me. We used to say we will talk everything out and there will be no thorns in our hearts. But i feel you are gradually despising and feeling ashamed of me as a partner.

I'm showered with love by my parents and my other friends and i dont need to put up with this. I've been supporting you through thick and thin and never did i doubt your ability and competence. I always encourage you when you are down. I always believe that you will make it big and be successful.

I think i was being too hopeful. You will reach your goals one day, but maybe i'm not the right one for you. I don't think my encouragement and love are sufficient anymore.

Question to you: Do you want me to let you go? I do not want to break up but i am unhappy. I always look forward to my weekends but i really don't understand why my weekends are so bleak during my time with you. After typing all this, i think that you deserve a partner of your equal match.

Maybe i have not improved all these years, and you are looking for someone different.

I only want a lifetime partner who can share my concerns and happiness with me, making me feel safe and sheltered all the time. My partner does not have to be rich, but all i need is his patient understanding and i will feel like i can do anything in this world.

Are you willing to be this person? Or, would you like to move on since we are moving in different directions?

The Glamorous Part of My Job

The question I often get asked upon knowing my current working industry will be, "Do you get to see a lot of celebs?"

Yes, meeting people is probably the best part of my job. From corporate big shots to celebrities, these meetings help to ease my tension and stress, and gives me something to boast about to other banker friends who earn 10 times more in a minute than me. Of course, the boasting only takes effects when they know who i'm talking about.

This morning, I attended a shooting and met with one of the top 10, The Top 10, Dior makeup artiste from Taiwan. Then, during work, a mega local artiste came around to take pictures while we donate to a staff member.

And now, back to reality and my stressful mode staring into my virtual world.

Reunion Night of 2011

Just came back from Hong Kong felt like a honeymoon trip:) We should do this more often because we share a lot of special moments as a couple only when we go on a trip alone, just the both of us.

It's now 2:02am, on 2nd February 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 22 hours to CNY 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An Outgoing Winter Solstice + Christmas

In past years, I've always been in my comfort zone, hanging out only with my parents and his family and our mutual friends.

After stating that he needs his own social circle, from the initial resistance of the idea, i gradually got used to him hanging out with his own gang, to enjoying my personal time to more time with my family, and currently, hanging out with different crowds.

Instead of leaving the company, I opt to change my miserable situation by venturing into a new path. I went from scorning to fearing to starting to like the challenges of sales. The greatest thing i've learned from sales so far is to be street smart. Always position yourself as the one with the upper hand to impress the clients and agencies, yet knowing when to compromise for mutual win.

I went in the new department preparing for the worst. I know clearly the reason i left the old department and was determined to focus on my current needs to realise ANY dreams of mine - money. Therefore, I didn't allow myself to be held back by any unnecessary thoughts like fear of adapting to the new environment, or having no friendly colleagues. Sales = Money was my only focus. I'm warned by too many real-life examples of people clinging onto their current position although they moan and bitch about either the job scope or remuneration because they have friends in the department.

I went about my usual friendly,smiling self and soon find myself knowing and getting close with some colleagues. From lunching and normal office chatter, I'm even joining in the plan of hanging out for pre-Christmas drinks with colleagues. The Chip 3 months ago would avoid such drinking plans at all costs if I'm not fully comfortable with the gang.

Besides expanding my social circle, I'm also finding my own passion and is working towards realizing my life goals. Sometimes, I even get bored just doing nothing at his house, thinking that I could have been using the same time to learn something else. I'm also cherishing my family time more and more, and I had a really fabulous time having dinner outside with my family in conjunction with Winter Solstice festival. We had a great time listening to sis gabbing away about her VIP experience at the first ever Asian Paralympic Games (first time she's ever shared so much with us) and came back with a fantastic surprise - new computer chairs!!! I'm sitting so comfortably now, thanks to dear daddy.

Can't wait to earn more money, know new people, achieving life goals one by one and realizing my dreams:))

Satisfaction in Life

At this stage of life where I'm not married and has no financial and family burden, I should be going all out, Grabbing chances, Challenging risks, and just try try and TRY again to earn lots of money.

I quit brand to try sales and I still have yet to taste the feeling of being rich in my 3rd month. I'm pretty optimistic about it because my gossiping, bullshitting and a knack of hitting it right off with different people at the first meeting are my lethal weapons for this career.

Even the feng shui master at yesterday's CNY screening won't dampen my spirits. Although my zodiac sign happens to come up last in terms of fortune, but every ox is different and I will be carving my path deep and meaningfully, storing up on riches with every step.

Money satisfies me, lots of money make me happy. Chinese love to use 'Fat Qin Hon' (hunger for money) on people who always talk about money, but what is life without money? Why work if not for money? The honest reactions of the whole sales team towards PWC's incentive scheme today show that all the fancy business research terms, professional appearances do not impress if they don't meet the objective: improving incentive scheme to enable sales team to make MORE money. Money = Satisfaction.

However, Love also delights and intoxicates me. With love, I feel like i can do EVERYTHING in this world. I know my sister and I pleased our parents immensely when they see us do simple things like dueting at the piano and her tying my hair. The activities are so trivial but what they see is sisterly love. I know if the sky falls down, my dad won't be sad but if my sister and I are to argue, he'll act like the sky falls down on him. But what he doesn't know, perhaps, is that whenever mommy and him are happy, my sister and I are the happiest too.

Life cannot be lived with money or love alone, money + love = happiness.

Ciao Italy

Io vado in Italia per 12 giorni, andando a perdere la mia famiglia come una pazza, ma sono molto eccitato!

I am the customer, therefore i'm right

I'm not a person who is quick to find fault with strangers. I'm not the kind who is highly aware and will fight for consumer rights. However, regardless of how lenient i might be with the misbehavior of other people other than my loved ones (most people often only reveal their true bad-tempered selves to people whom they are comfortable with), I  am not totally clueless and cowardly when it comes to confronting bad attitude, especially in the customer service sector.

It's been almost 2 months since that crystal clear day (June 19 2010) when I had my vision corrected and I'm required to do followup eye checkup every 2 weeks, then 1 month, 2 months, 6 months and 1 year. The Optimax staff are generally friendly but there is just ONE person that I cannot stand. Let's call her D. She is condescending, rude and impatient but I've always put up with her attitude (after all, I just want to make appointments) until yesterday.

Me: Hello, is this Vista? (Not really concentrating, and Vista sounds smoother than Optimax)
D: No, this is Optimax, not Vista (in a catty tone)
Me: Oh haha...I actually would like to make an appointment...
D: (cuts me off) Then you make the appointment in Vista not in Optimax bye.

And i looked at my phone in disbelief. HOW could she hang up like that?!

Me: (a bit furious now) Hello, I would like to change my appointment...
D: (cuts me again) You're calling the same centre again, this is Optimax not Vista
Me: YA I want to change my appointment in Optimax!!
D: In that case (her favorite phrase), what kind of appt you would like to change?
Me: Eye checkup
D: What's your name?
Me: (tell name)
D: There's no such appointment~~ (draggggs her tone) nevermind, i'll make a new one for u
Me: Ok...
D: Spell your name please
Me: Spells surname
D: Oh I thought it's Chai

WHAT? Don't simply assume and accuse me of faking an appointment LA!!!!

So she changed it to Friday. Okay, that was fine, i could have just hung up in peace BUT no, we continued the blood-boiling conversation:

D: So that'll be Friday, and RM60 will be charged
Me: HUH? How come i am charged even after the operation??
D: Wait (sharp tone) have you done ur laser or not
Me: Yah
D: When was it?
Me: June 19
D: Are you sure?? (high pitch catty voice again)
Me: YAH im sure

In the first place, HALO CHECK The DAMN computer records u ancient barbaric female

D: Okay, in that case (againnnnn..) there will be no charges. Okay bye

CUTS ME OFF AGAIN GRRRR ROOOOOAARRRRRR

I was so pissed i told every living person who's willing to listen. Then several of them encouraged me to make a complain, and it made me realize that i can really exercise my rights and sue her for not adhering to her sacred oath of "customers are always right".

I proceeded with my "Complain Movement" the next day.

First, check out their complain line. Official website...hmm...what complain line? What company will be transparent with a complain line?? Of course it's non-existent...but i decided to swarm their inquiry box with my long conversation anyways, but this time in a very rationale, thesis-writing sort of tone with analysis on D's behavior. In the end, I cannot resist to use the "flattery + doubt" tactic, where I tell them that basically the staff is fantastic, the doctor's great, the optometrists too, so it's a puzzlement that they will have people like D there. I also added "please give me an explanation" which i didn't really expect an answer since it's an inquiry column hehe

In the afternoon, one of the staff called me to confirm my changed appointment on Friday. I casually asked whether there's a staff member called D, in case i'm accusing the wrong person. The person on the other end became highly alert, but i just assured her that i just want to ask, nothing more. Then, another lady called me again to confirm appt (or probably testing me to see whether i'll ask weird questions again). I didn't bother being mysterious, i just said smoothly, "Oh can I have the email which i can use to complain D?" Taken aback, she answered, "uh..yea, there's our customer care manager XXX and her email is XXX"

Now I can confirm I've gotten their full attention. After around an hour later, their customer care personnel called. Actually I just hoped to get an email answer, so they get brownie points for calling. What if I turn out to be a catty complaining old biatch waiting to tear their throats down?

Basically they told me that they agreed with everything I said, have raised the issue with D, and will be more careful from now on. Then apologize apologize apologize. Although I know that the conversation and customer handling method was textbook-learned and executed, I still feel a sense of satisfaction. Triumph and victorious.

From this incident, I learned that calming down after a furious conversation greatly helps in clearing the mind, enabling me to plan the next step on counterattack rationally. Patience and guts are ALWAYS rewarded.